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DOG QUOTES AND JOKES
“The poor dog, in life the firmest friend, “The first to welcome, foremost to defend.” “If you can start the day without caffeine…If you can get going without pep pills…If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it…If you can conquer the world tension without medical help…If you can relax without liquor…if you can sleep without the aid of drugs…then my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.”
A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said, "Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops. The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house and began to scratch at the door to be let in. As the owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, "That's a really smart dog you have there." The owner said, "He's not really all that smart. This is the second time this week he forgot his key."
The Vet Bill A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away." "What?" screamed the man? "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"
The veterinarian left and returned in a few moments with a cat, who checked out the poor dog on the table. The cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $350. The dog's owner went postal. $350! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is Outrageous!" The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, would have been $50, but with the Cat scan..." “A good dog never dies he always stays he walks beside you on crisp autumn days when frost is on the fields and winter’s drawing near, his head is within our hand in his old way.”
“I am a dog. You are a man. You expect too much. I accept too little. Even when I get too little, I still know that life is good. Too often you overlook that fact.” “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.” “No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.” |
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